Week 10 Results

Last week El Caballito told you he had a plan and that he would not be explaining it. The era of not explaining is over. The plan is live, the plan has a name, and the plan has a CashApp. Welcome to Caballito Privado.

It launched at 11:43pm on a Tuesday with a 47-tweet thread, zero fantasy advice, three Yankees takes, one Jeter gif, and a screenshot of this very column. Bio updated: Béisbol. Fantasy. Hot takes. Premium DMs open. Not a media company. A movement. Twelve people have paid. They are called Los Caballitos.

Two tiers to know. Five dollars is La Consulta Básica: your matchup, his take, delivered within 72 hours. El Caballito is currently eleven days behind. Fifty is El Parlay de la Semana, his certified personal pick. The pick lost. Nobody got a refund. Follow-up DM to all paying customers: "The market was wrong. Stay in it."

One exception. La Consulta Básica is free for this league, effective now. El Caballito announced that era was over. He is aware of the contradiction. This is a strategic decision for strategic reasons and he is not elaborating. You are the ecosystem. The ecosystem gets access. Talk to the horse himself, now available!

The inbox is managed. That is all El Caballito will say about the inbox. El Caballito does not have time to type, he is thinking. Three clients compared notes and found identical advice: drop your worst ERA guy, pick up whoever is hot. We operate at volume. The launch email went to the 340 hoodie customers, the only list El Caballito owns. Eleven paid. All eleven are using premium DM access to ask about hoodie tracking. Both inboxes are managed. The corredor de la 188 slid in, got accidentally charged fifteen dollars, did not pay, and sent something else entirely. Stays on seen. Abuela found the promo on Instagram. Twenty-two minutes. El Caballito said "Mami" and nothing else. The movement is $180 ahead, sixty of it already on a parlay.

While El Caballito was building an empire, Semana 10 stacked four 5-5-0 draws into one scorecard and settled three categories by margins thinner than a CashApp fee. The most decorated champion in league history won exactly one category, by five thousandths of an earned run. The luckiest week of the 2026 season went to a man who has not paid the league fee. And the man who does not watch béisbol went 8-2. The takes below are free. That is a launch promotion. It ends when El Caballito says it ends.

Tremendo

The Commish made zero acquisitions this week and went 8-1-1. Zero. He posted 45 runs, 14 home runs, ten stolen bases, and a .3583 OBP without touching the wire once. This league has spent years accusing the Commish of corruption, of rigging, of dictatorship. This week he didn't even log in. The roster ran itself to eight categories like a government agency that secretly works fine. Tremenda semana, Commish.

Tibio

Quality starts tied at two apiece. The only category Fernando didn't lose outright, besides the one he won by accounting error. We'll get to that.

Fuácata

Fernando. Mi campeón. The most decorated champion in the history of this league went 1-8-1 the week after going 2-7-1. That is three category wins out of twenty across two weeks. He made seven acquisitions, tied for the most in the league, Ivan's pace, and the seven moves bought him exactly one category. And which one? ERA. By five thousandths of a run, 4.2750 to 4.2805. Fernando's entire week survived by a margin you need a microscope to confirm. Thirty runs. Ten home runs. Coño, Fernando. The man once lost his championship belt and found it months later in a random drawer. El Caballito is starting to think the belt knew something. Qué desgracia, campeón. El Caballito says it with love and with both hands on his chest.

Tremendo

Memo, a man who has never once Googled "what is a quality start," won quality starts this week. He went 8-2 and posted 53 runs, the most in the league in Semana 10. The ladder continues: Jose in week eight, Fernando in week nine, Billy in week ten. Este hombre has never watched a full nine innings on purpose and he is already three veterans deep into something that looks like a vendetta. Three acquisitions, nine steals, an ERA of 4.14 that was somehow plenty. El Caballito has stopped waiting for the regression. The regression is not coming. ¿Tú me entiendes?

Tibio

Billy won strikeouts by twenty-two and saves-and-holds, and lost everything else. He dropped stolen bases by a single steal, eight to nine, and OBP by nine points. Flip those two and this is a quiet 4-6 that nobody writes about. Instead it is 2-8 and a second consecutive Unlucky SOB card. The bats produced 32 runs and seven home runs. Manín, the pitching-heavy draft was supposed to mean the arms carry the offense on bad weeks. The arms posted a 5.60 ERA. Nobody carried anybody. Everyone walked.

Tremendo

Dale went 6-3-1 with a 6.10 ERA, a 1.61 WHIP, and a .2919 OBP. That is the luckiest week of the 2026 season, surpassing Jose's Week 6 mark, and El Caballito has reviewed the tape several times because these numbers describe a team that should have gone 2-7 in a rainstorm. Dale won quality starts with two. He won saves-and-holds five to four. The universe carried this man across eight days like a bride. And this is the part that keeps El Caballito up at night: Dale still has not paid the league fee. The man is winning on credit in every possible sense. El Caballito te ve, Dale. The fee is still due.

Tibio

Cardenas posted a .3842 OBP, the best in the league this week, and went 3-6-1. He scored 26 runs with it. Four home runs. The man is getting on base at an elite clip and then standing there, admiring the view, walking back to the dugout. Zero acquisitions for the second straight week. Last week the do-nothing strategy was genius. This week the same strategy met a team that couldn't pitch and lost to it anyway. Camarón que se duerme, se lo lleva la corriente, Cardenas. Even the strikeouts tied at 47 apiece, which feels correct. Neither staff deserved that category.

Tremendo

Andy hit 20 home runs this week, the most in the league in Semana 10, attached to nine quality starts, a 2.88 ERA, and a 0.929 WHIP. That stat line wins most matchups in this league walking. It bought Andy a 5-5-0 draw. El Caballito has watched Red Sox fans suffer his entire life and never felt a thing. Today he feels un chin of something. Un chin. No more than that.

Tibio

Jose finished with one quality start. Again. Second consecutive week the rotation delivered exactly one, this time with 60 strikeouts and a 4.82 ERA attached, which is what happens when your arms strike out the side and then load the bases out of respect. The offense and the bullpen dragged him to five categories and the draw. Dime a ver, Jose. You are the first man in the chat when somebody else's starter gives up five in the first inning. Your own rotation has managed one honest night a week for two weeks running.

Tremendo

The Suit's Matt Chapman pickup drove in twelve runs by himself and the Boardroom won the RBI category by ten. A waiver move paying for itself in real time, the kind of clean corporate execution this franchise was named after. Meanwhile Ivan struck out 70 batters to the Suit's 31, more than doubling him, and made it three straight weeks owning the best arm on the wire with Noah Cameron's zero-earned-run line. Acquisition Fingers does not miss up there. Down here is another conversation.

Tibio

The matchup came down to WHIP, 1.1935 to 1.1970. Thirty-five ten-thousandths. And the reason Ivan's WHIP reads 1.1970 instead of a winning number is named Griffin Jax: four innings, six earned runs, a 13.50 ERA. Take Jax out of the week and Ivan wins WHIP, probably ERA, and the matchup. For ten weeks Ivan has been telling this league "if my pitcher didn't allow ten runs, I would have won," and for ten weeks it was an excuse. In Semana 10 it is simply true. Diablo. El Caballito does not know what to do with a world where Ivan's excuse is accurate, and honestamente neither does Ivan.

Tremendo

Chanders posted a 1.0357 WHIP and five quality starts, and won ERA by four thousandths of a run, 3.6964 to Nick's 3.7005. The thinnest category margin of the week, in a week full of them. Whatever the CBS podcast told him about streaming arms, it worked to the fourth decimal place.

Tibio

The doctrine, though. Chanders lost saves-and-holds zero to four, the weekly zero he signs up for on purpose, and that zero turned a 6-4 win into a 5-5 draw. Nick took HR, RBI, OBP, K, and SVHD and could not find a sixth anywhere. Also, Chanders, your OBP was .2799. The pitching is doing church-level work while the bats get on base like men wearing oven mitts. El que no sabe es como el que no ve, and el código refuses to see the ninth inning.

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  Four of six matchups ended 5-5-0. Three categories league-wide were decided by less than six thousandths of a point, and one strikeout category tied at 47 apiece. El Caballito counted, twice, and then lay down for a while.

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  Fernando is 3-15-2 over his last two weeks. The most decorated champion this league has ever produced. El Caballito lit a candle. The candle went out on its own. He is choosing not to interpret that.

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  Memo: Jose, Fernando, Billy. Three veterans in three weeks. If you play Memo next week, La Consulta Básica is five dollars and El Caballito's advice is pray.

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  The Commish went 8-1-1 on zero acquisitions. Cardenas went 3-6-1 on zero acquisitions. Fernando went 1-8-1 on seven. The waiver wire took more money than it paid out this week, like most casinos.

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  Dale posted the luckiest week of the 2026 season and still owes the league fee. Nick has not paid either. La lista tiene dos nombres y El Caballito tiene la lista.

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  Jose continues to claim El Caballito steals his jokes from the group chat. Mira, the jokes in this column are free. The premium jokes are twenty-five dollars, and Jose's material does not meet the quality bar for either tier.